Lotsa Movie for the Kid's Price

If you'll just take my simple 4 step advice, I can guarantee you'll be in cinematic bliss for 4-6 hours on any given night of the week. Money back guarantee! Act now and receive a free Child's admission ticket and Kid's pack popcorn. First one to email (reelmandy@gmail.com) gets to see how I do this first hand.

1. Become a Scheduling Genius.
You can't exactly see Transformers at 4:30, Die Hard at 6 and Joshua at 11. You'll miss the important plot points in Die Hard (har har) and have to spend 3 hours in the restroom waiting for the newest evil-in-childcarnate flick.

Best advice: Choose theaters that have no choice but to space their movies so that there is between 10-30 minutes of wait time. If you've only got 5-10, skip the popcorn and credits from your first movie and just walk right into the other one. If you've got a longer time to wait (I say 45 mins max), get in line for a drink which both shows the theater workers you're supporting their main source of income and, who the fuck is going to kick out someone who's just purchased a 76-ounce soda for $6?

Mission Valley and Landmark Hillcrest seem to be the best theaters to do this at.

Check Rottentomates for a easy way to figure out your own perfectly-preplanned schedule. Soon, there will be a widget that can do this for you. ohh, ahh!

2. Never Let them know you know anything.
This is brilliant advice for sneaking into concerts, movies, the ghetto, you name it. Its easier when you're a girl because bitches tend to ACTUALLY not know anything, but men can pull it off too. If you're nervous the first time you do this, wear something especially dorky and lame looking as to add to your perceived ignorance. I've had some friends get really scared that someone is watching us as we move from theatre to theatre, but in the history of this plan-at least 9 years-I've never once been found out or thrown out. Be nonchalant. Be friendly and normal.

IF ALL ELSE FAILS: tell the anal worker that you ALWAYS watch two films and that you bought 2 tickets. They will get embarrassed for calling an adult out for movie-hopping and won't stick around long enough for you to root through your pockets for the correct stub.

3. Eat a meal before you go, popcorn in between the shows.
Could not help myself with that one. Ok, so 6 hours in a theatre is no joke. You might need caffeine, you might need a sub. Only you know yourself, but prepare like its Coachella. Bring water in your bag, and gum. you never know if there's going to be someone you might want to make out with during an especially long-winded scene in Ocean's 13. Like I've stated above, the best time to buy any snack is in between shows. It makes you look like you just got there and makes you look like you have money to spend there-which you obviously don't because you're seeing 3 movies for $7.

4. Buy your tickets online. Child's price.
I think by now you've discovered that I don't have much morality (period) or respect for major motion pictures. I do, however, spend a lot of my money on the movie industry-Hollywood Video, books about directors and French cinema, my $100,000 "film" education from Point Loma. So I don't feel bad about any of this. Visit Movietickets.com, fandango or rottentomatoes to purchase your tickets before you go. Choose the child's price. Again, no one ever notices this. And if they do, just follow rule #2, play dumb (that darnd Internet thing-a-ma-jig is so confusin').